My Soldier Too Read online

  The only movement he could muster was to wiggle the fingers on his hand near Madison. She reached out and took it in her own. Scott turned his head slightly to look at her. In a weak, barely audible voice, he said, “I know I’m going to be an angel soon and that you tried your best to save me. Don’t be sad. I’m not afraid to go now.”

  Madison wanted more than anything to cry. But she never would. Here he was, on the verge of dying, something he desperately had not wanted to happen, yet he was trying to comfort her. She squeezed his hand and said, “Is there anything at all I can do?” She stood to release a dose of morphine from the bag of Ringer’s solution hanging near his bed.

  “Please, don’t… as long as I feel pain, I know I’m still alive.” He gave a sad smile. “I’m glad the last person I get to see is so kind. I only wish I had known love in this life. It wasn’t meant to be for a gay man in the Army, though.” He coughed and squeezed his eyes closed from pain. “How sad that I have to lay dying before I can admit that out loud. At least you’re here with me. I won’t have to die alone.”

  Madison sat back down on the chair and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. Then she wiped the sweat from his brow with a damp cloth. “I promise I won’t leave you.”

  “Where’s my uniform?” Scott asked.

  “Here, folded under the bed.”

  “Please, my West Point ring should be in one of the pockets. I want you to have it.”

  “I can’t,” Madison said.

  “It’s the only thing in this world I’ve ever been proud of.” His energy was clearly fading. He said to her, “Please, take it. I want you to have it.”

  Madison shook her head. “No, Scott, I can’t. Your family will want it.” She found the ring in the left breast pocket of what was left of his uniform blouse. She placed it into his hand and closed his fingers over it.

  A single tear ran down his face. “I don’t have a family that will care, and since you’re the last person I’ll ever see, I want you to have it. I’m going to be an angel now. I want you to keep it to remember me and know that I’m somewhere watching out for you.” He seemed to struggle to find the energy to speak his last words. “Please, honor a dying man’s last request and keep the ring. It’s how I’ll keep you safe. I accept my fate as an angel.” His smile was a little less sad. “That’s what angels do, right?” He asked the question as if he were asking it to someone else in the room other than Madison.

  “Okay Scott, I will.”

  Scott closed his eyes and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

  Madison put the ring into her pocket and held his hand tightly. She was so tired. The chair she was sitting in couldn’t have been more uncomfortable, but she would keep her promise. She would not let Lt. Stevens die alone.

  Despite having never met this man before, Madison’s grief over his imminent passing was overwhelming. She was heartbroken for him and all the others who had gone before, as well as those left behind. He had paid the ultimate sacrifice for a country that denied him the most basic human need: love. It was denied to him for no reason other than that he was gay. She was also sad for herself and the burdens of her own losses over the years. Was this how life was supposed to be? Surely, there had to be another way. Shortly thereafter, exhaustion claimed her and she fell asleep.

  The next thing she remembered was feeling a gentle nudge to her shoulder. “Ma’am, wake up. Capt. Brown.” She opened her eyes to see one of the medics standing in front her. “Ma’am, I’m sorry, Lt. Stevens is gone. Are you all right?”

  Madison glanced at the lieutenant’s lifeless body. She was still clutching his hand. Despite her slumber, she had somehow managed to not let go. Now that he was gone, she finally released his hand. “I’m okay. I’ll leave you to tend to him.” She stood and placed her hand in her pocket to clutch the ring. “Good-bye, Scott. I promise I’ll never forget.” Madison walked out of the tent. She breathed in the hot humid morning air of Iraq and tried to shake off the horror of the loss of another precious life.

  Madison pulled her thoughts back to the present. No, she hadn’t known the boy’s father personally and hated to lie. But she did know the story of his father’s last days—last moments—all too well. It was a story she’d seen played out so many times during those long, hot, miserable days in Iraq. In this case, a lie would do more good than harm. The boy had to believe that someone was watching out for him and his mom, and that his dad was more than okay… that he was safe with the angels.

  Still crouched down in front of him, Madison put a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, I knew your dad. He was a brave man… a hero. He loved you and your mom with all of his heart. He always will.”

  The boy’s eyes welled with tears. “Sometimes, I’m afraid because I miss him so much.”

  Madison pulled him into her arms. “I know. We all get scared. But you have to remember that your dad is still with you.” She put her hand on his heart. “He’s right there, forever.”

  “I wish I could hug him again.” Tears ran down his face.

  Madison’s heart ached. Scott Stevens seemed to urge her on. She reached into her pocket and took out Scott’s ring. “Your dad is with the angels now. They want you to have this.” She held the ring in the palm of her hand for him to see. “Keep it with you to always remember him.”

  Madison put the ring into his hand. She struggled for composure. “You’re brave, like your dad. Always take care of yourself and your mom, okay?” Madison stood and handed the bouquet of flowers to the boy’s mother. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  The mother, now quietly crying, hugged Madison. “Thank you for what you’ve given to my son. Please stay safe.” She took the boy’s hand and disappeared into the crowd.

  As Madison watched them go, someone tugged at her sleeve. She turned to see Isabella. “Oh, Isabella, don’t you cry, too.” Madison wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’m so happy to see you.”

  “Me, too. Can I hug you?”

  After reliving the memory of Lt. Stevens’s death, there wasn’t anything she’d rather do than fall into Isabella’s arms. “I can’t. Too many people are watching. I’m afraid they’ll see right through how I feel about you.”

  “Later then?”

  “I hope so. By the way, I owe you some flowers. The bouquet I gave away was for you.”

  “Thank you for thinking of me. She needed them more than I did. Besides, I have you instead.”

  Madison picked up her gear bag to thwart her desire to kiss Isabella right then and there. “I’d like to get out of here and out of this uniform.”

  “Sure. I’ll bet you’re hungry. Why don’t we pick up a pizza along the way? I know a great place not too far from the highway.”

  * * *

  An hour later, they arrived at Madison’s house. On a quaint street, it nestled among a line of well-kept cottages on Great Neck, overlooking Plum Island Sound in Ipswich. The house was painted a pleasing pale yellow. Rather than a lawn, the diminutive yard was made up of perennial plants beginning to poke their heads above the surface in the mid-April warmth. Isabella imagined Madison tending to her summer flowers. The vision of the warrior nurturing Mother Nature’s fragile bounty added to Madison’s enigmatic charm.

  “Your place is adorable,” Isabella said as she shut off the engine.

  Madison opened the car door. “Thank you. Let’s get inside before the pizza gets cold.” The sun was beginning to set, which meant the chill of the evening would soon replace the warmth of the day. “You grab dinner and I’ll get the bags.”

  Isabella followed her inside. The glimmer off Plum Island Sound through the glass door at the back of the cottage captured her attention. “The view is spectacular. In fact, it’s divine.”

  “I’m glad you like it. Let’s leave the pizza in the kitchen, and I’ll give you a tour. As you can see, it’s small. It won’t take too long. We’ll make our last stop the deck.”

  Isabella put their pizza on the counter and followed Madison, who carried their b
ags to their rooms and showed her the rest of the house.

  The place consisted of a small kitchen, living room, two bedrooms, and a bath, so the tour was, indeed, short.

  “How long have you lived here?” Isabella asked when they were back in the living room.

  “Almost four years now. I bought it at a bank auction. At the time, it needed a lot of work, but it was something I could afford. I did most of the renovations myself with the help of Bobbie’s husband, Jerome.” Madison walked to the sliding glass doors that opened onto a mahogany deck. “Come. I’ll show you the view of the sound from outside.”

  They stepped out onto the deck and into the cool ocean breeze. Isabella put her hands in her pockets. “It’s chilly.”

  Madison put her arm around her and pulled her close. “Pretty, isn’t it?” she asked as they watched the rolling waves.

  This new world that Isabella traversed had no signposts. It was a landscape yet to be charted. Even though her brain had no idea which way to go, her heart did. Being in love with a woman seemed the easiest and most natural thing in the world. She turned and embraced Madison. “It is, and so are you.”

  Madison placed her hands on either side of Isabella’s face. She lightly brushed Isabella’s lips with her own and then enveloped her in her arms. “You’re cold. Let’s go inside.”

  Isabella had always hoped she’d one day have such a profound connection to another person. It wasn’t about physical desire, but the heart’s deepest desire, the need to find home in the love of a soul mate. Isabella was anything but cold. “Sure.”

  Madison took her by the hand and led her to the guest bedroom. “I’m going to take a quick shower. Please make yourself comfortable. You’re welcome to use the dresser drawers if you’d like to unpack your things. They’re empty. First, I’ll get a fire going in the wood stove so the house will be warm when we eat.” She chuckled. “And we can reheat the pizza.”

  “I can tell you’re tired. Don’t worry about the fire. I’ll get it started. You go shower while I get dinner ready.” Isabella was still holding tight to Madison’s hand.

  Madison brought Isabella’s hand to her face. She turned it over and rested her cheek next to its palm.

  That simple act made Isabella long for her more. Her heart filled with such emotion for Madison. She closed the distance between them. They stood motionless, bodies touching, staring into the other’s eyes. There was something haunted behind Madison’s.

  “Are you all right?” Isabella asked.

  Madison rested her head on Isabella’s shoulder. “I don’t know.”

  “Is it my being here with you?”

  “No. You can’t imagine how happy I am that you’re here.”

  “What is it then?” Isabella pulled Madison down so they were both sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “I can’t stop thinking about the little boy at the airport. I shouldn’t have told him that his dad is still with him.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t believe that love lasts forever. Pretending his dad lives on inside his heart won’t bring him back. All I did was set him up for a hard fall when he realizes I lied to him. His father’s gone. He died a cruel death and is never coming home again. That ring I gave him was nothing more than a reminder of that. I only prolonged his realization that, one way or another, people always leave you.”

  Isabella scooted back on the bed and beckoned Madison to come with her. Her work with veterans had taught her that their stories often went untold because they were too painful to tell. Isabella didn’t want Madison to hold the memory inside. No good ever came from bottling up one’s tragic past. “Do you want to tell me about the ring and what it meant to you?”

  “I’ve never told anyone before.”

  “It might help to talk about it,” Isabella said.

  “I’m afraid if do, I’ll fall apart.”

  “If that happens, I’ll be here to hold you together. I promise.”

  Madison nestled into the safety of Isabella’s arms and for the second time that day relived the death of Lt. Stevens. “We couldn’t save him. He died all alone in this world.”

  Isabella smoothed Madison’s hair. “No, he didn’t. You were with him.”

  “I feel empty without the ring, sort of like I gave him away.”

  “Maybe you feel empty because the ring symbolized a hope that you’re wrong about love? That his wish for himself is yours, too.”

  “I don’t know.” Madison buried her head in Isabella’s shoulder as tears broke free.

  Isabella held her tight while she cried. There was no place in the world she’d rather be than protecting this soldier from all her cares. In the quiet comfort of each other’s arms, they fell asleep.

  Isabella woke to Madison covering her with blankets. “You don’t have to go.” She longed to have her in her arms again.

  “Yes, I do. I need to put our dinner in the refrigerator since we never ate it. I’m a terrible hostess.”

  “Talking seemed more important at the time.”

  “I know it’s late, but we could eat now, if you’d like,” Madison said.

  “I’d rather you get back into bed with me and let me hold you.”

  Madison sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, Isabella. Not tonight. Thank you for listening. It meant a lot for me to tell you.” She kissed Isabella lightly. “Sweet dreams.”

  Madison left before Isabella could protest. It would be so easy to follow her into her room and crawl into bed with her. There was no longer any question as to whether Isabella’s feelings for a woman were real. The issue was what lay ahead. What if Madison’s heart remained too frozen to let her in? Or what if she had to go back to Iraq? How would Isabella come out to her family? Could she come out to them? Too many questions, when all she really wanted in that moment was to fall asleep listening to the sound of Madison breathing. She slipped from underneath the covers and fumbled in the dark for comfortable clothes to sleep in.

  Chapter 15

  Madison tried to be quiet while Isabella slept. She’d have to remember to thank Bobbie for shopping for her while she was away. She rarely made dinner from scratch. Her cooking skills, if they could even be called that, were a disaster. She specialized in anything from a box that required adding water or thawing in the microwave. But really, how hard could cooking be? She had recipes that were clear enough and all the right ingredients were on hand. Well, mostly. She forgot to put breadcrumbs on the grocery list for Bobbie. Not to worry, she did have bread. If breadcrumbs were good enough to hold meatloaf together, bread might be even better. Madison was determined to show Isabella how special she thought she was by making a feast for her.

  “Good morning.” Isabella leaned against the frame of the entryway to the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest. “I heard kitchen sounds and decided to investigate.”

  Madison fumbled in a drawer and wondered if the vegetables she cut for the salad were too big. “Hi, I hope you slept well. There’s coffee in the pot, and cups are in the cabinet behind me. I hope I didn’t wake you. I decided to put dinner together now. That way when we get back later, all we’ll have to do is warm it in the oven.” Isabella came into the room and stood near enough for Madison to smell her perfume. Madison dropped the knife she was holding. Get it together. She smiled.

  Isabella poured herself a cup of coffee. “Can I do anything to help?”

  “No, dinner is my treat this time. I’ve got some bagels, cream cheese, and fruit. Help yourself and go sit on the porch. The ocean is really beautiful this time of day. Take a blanket, though, it’s breezy. I won’t be long.”

  Madison hoped Isabella would leave the kitchen before she had a chance to witness her lack of culinary aptitude. Despite wielding surgical knives with precision as a trauma nurse, kitchen knives were a foreign concept—not to mention that Isabella was a dangerous distraction standing next to her in a T-shirt and sweatpants. It was achingly obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra. Madison averte
d her eyes before running the risk of chopping off one of her own fingers with the damn knife. She plunged it into a carrot with the palm of her hand with more force than necessary. An end shot across the counter and nearly hit Isabella as she spread cream cheese on a bagel. That ought to inspire confidence. “Sorry about that.”

  Isabella laughed. “No worries. Is that a meatloaf you’re making? I’ve never seen it made with whole pieces of bread before. It that a special Midwestern recipe?”

  “No, I got it off of the Web.” Madison paused. “I know what you’re thinking. Who gets a meatloaf recipe from the Internet?”

  “A lot of people, I bet. I’m sure it’ll be delicious. I fixed a bagel for you. When you’re finished, I’d love it if you’d join me.”

  “Thank you. I will. After we eat, we’ll go over to Crane Beach for a walk along the shore, if you’re up for it. The Parker River National Wildlife Refuge is there. It’s one of my favorite places. The weather’s supposed to be cool and unsettled. We’ll probably have the whole beach to ourselves.”

  “That sounds lovely,” Isabella said.

  * * *

  The rhythmic cadence of the lapping waves as they walked the length of Crane Beach helped to clear the cobwebs from Isabella’s mind. Madison moved in silence beside her. A group of cormorants caught Isabella’s attention. The way they worked together to catch fish and celebrate each successful dive reminded her of her family. Like the flock of sea birds, the Parisi family was at its best when they were all together. She reflected on what her family would think if they knew she’d fallen in love with a woman. She was pretty sure they weren’t going to like it. Then again, they always said that it was her happiness that mattered.

  They walked a bit farther down the beach. Madison had been right about them having it mostly to themselves. Other than a woman walking a dog in the distance, they were the only ones on the beach. Isabella took her hand. “Why did you leave last night?”